Listen up, Earthlings!

It only SEEMS like an invasion, OK?

A Christmas message from on high . . .

Greetings, American Earthlings:

Do you see us now? Finally? Do you see us? Are you getting it?

Subtlety doesn’t work with you people. For as long as you’ve been alive, we’ve tried impressing you with right-angle turns at 5,000 mph, instantaneous acceleration, loop-de-loop stunts and stealth dissolves, in broad daylight and black of night. We’ve approached you in waves and flaps, one-offs and legend, rural outback and big cities. We’ve shown you our fantastic hardware, our discs, our triangles, cubes, spheres, tic tacs, orbs, cigars, jellyfish, all that. Shit, man, we even crashed a few of them for you, just to see if you’d run with it. You’ve seen for yourselves what our wheels can do. We can go wherever we want, do whatever we want, whenever we want — and you can’t stop us. We’ve exposed the obsolescence of your most ridiculous weapons systems, except when you turn them on yourselves.

Yet, through it all, you’ve remained confoundingly docile. You’ve never freaked out or panicked, which is pretty remarkable, given your impulsive and trigger-happy suspicions of strangers. Passivity is a good thing, up to a point. Truthfully, we had higher aspirations. We’d hoped that a softer touch – fleeting glimpses, maybe, a little electromagnetic static, radar tracks (sometimes), a sensational headline every now and then – could stoke a groundswell of curiosity, awe and humility that might prove contagious. Best-case scenario, we even envisioned a day where you quit pounding each other’s brains out and got a collective grip on exactly what it is you’re dealing with here.

Falling IQs and plastic embryos

In other words, we mostly did a soft sell, and encouraged you to come to us. But that didn’t work, and we’re beginning to understand why. We’ve been studying you forever, and in 2023, research from one of your major universities confirmed what’s been obvious to us for quite some time.

In the middle of the 20^th century, an intelligence researcher named James Flynn began reviewing IQ test results dating back to 1932. Flynn discovered, perhaps because of improving nutrition and better living standards, those scores were steadily rising, by as much as 5 points per decade, in America and worldwide. Social scientists called it the Flynn Effect.

Mercifully, Flynn died in Y2K, well before confirmation of the “reverse-Flynn Effect.” Tapping a whopping database of nearly 400,000 subjects, Northwestern University researchers documented how, from 2006-18, American test scores declined in four of five measured cognitive domains, to wit: in number and letter series reasoning (i.e., math and computational skills), matrix reasoning (visual problem solving), verbal memory (word recall), and verbal reasoning (vocabulary and logic).

We’ll let your experts assign the blame; at this point, it doesn’t even matter. Between your dissolving cognitive skills and the microplastics now infecting your placentas and embryos, time is running out. Nothing we’ve done so far has slowed the clock. And since, after all these years, you continue to pretend our triangles, boomerangs, tic tacs and cylinders aren’t happening, we’ve decided to give you a little nudge. Following the startling results of your election, we cranked it up a notch.

The limits of language

Your skies are popping with drones, especially since the FAA lifted its nighttime ban on flying last year. Projections of $1.4 billion in sales for 2024 are up nearly five percent from a year ago. And the Russo-Ukrainian war is rapidly accelerating drone-technology. Payload capacities are expanding, batteries last longer, motors are getting quieter. And their spectacular choreographic potential — good lord! Last year, 1,500 drones set a Guinness World Record by synching up at 700 feet to perform Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker Suite.”

The drone craze now animates your field of view, in a mix that showcases the best and worst of your ingenuity, from rescuing lost children to incinerating combatants with thermite. Well, we’ve merged into the traffic. And we discovered unannounced agendas are underway upstairs as well, highly coordinated and classified, in a shadow dance of paranoia and deception. The biggest skeptics are openly hoping it really is us and not China/Russia, lest you all be totally screwed.

You’ve known for generations that “controlled air space” is a meaningless term — we’ve been ignoring it forever. But clinging to the authority of language is your only play, because you’ve also learned that words like “drones” offer semi-plausible cover, like when “drones” swarm your warships off California, or when “drones” force a unit of jet fighters to transfer out of Langley Air Force Base for their own safety. You got away with it in the Seventies, when you blamed untraceable “helicopters” for incursions into Strategic Air Command bases; those events unfolded in frontier regions. But “swamp gas” won’t cut it anymore, not with 4.88 billion smartphones in circulation everywhere.

We may just bail

And now look — everybody’s pissed off, from truck drivers and small-town mayors to the performing seals in Congress. They actually think you’re lying to them when you say you don’t know what these “drones” are except they’re not adversarial or national security threats. And look at what’s filling the vacuum of non-answers. Last week, one of your rumor-mongering lawmakers tried to say they were coming from an Iranian “mothership” off the east coast. Then, suddenly – abracadabra! – video from Iran purported to show its own air defenses trying and failing to destroy “drones” encroaching into their territory.

And now Wal-Mart copycats are jumping into the “drone” frenzy, and CGI artists are cooking up viral videos, and the FAA is banning “drone” flights over parts of New Jersey and New York for “special security reasons,” and military bases from Jersey to Utah have temporarily closed off their airspace, and the Coast Guard is reporting “drone” swarms tailing one of its vessels and going “through the water,” and nuclear power plant operators across the U.S. are reporting more “drone” flyovers in the second week of December than for the entire year combined, and the Department of Energy is denying that the “drones” are radiation sniffers scanning for lost radioactive material, and it’s just a matter of time before you cognitively challenged Earthlings start shooting down real drones and raining debris onto yourselves. And legacy and new media are all over it, the way they should’ve been 50 years ago before drones existed. And they’ll stay on it as long as the “drone” vids, legit or otherwise, keep rolling in.

So now we’re thinking that insinuating ourselves into drone swarms may have been one huge effing mistake. If we bailed on this project tomorrow, you’d still be on fight or flight footing, primed to believe in nothing, or anything, simultaneously. We’ve seen this happen before. Seriously, you’re not that special. You’re just not.

(This scoop was downloaded via hypnotic trance exclusively through Life in Jonestown and may not be reproduced without the author’s expressed written consent.)